April 21, 2008

hey everyone, it's me, thomas and let me be the first to say welcome to my show bitches.
(play music)
this is the thomas show
it's like eating ice cream and a 3 pound pop rock
one gives the brain freeze, the other an oral shock
this is the thomas show
(music fades out, Thomas runs onto the stage from the helicopter.)

that's right... a helicopter.

howdy blog readers, sorry for the long wait. i know many of you have anticipated a new blog (mike, i'm talking to you). i just returned on my trip home to el paso and it was a great trip. awesome birthday i must say. but before i get into that, let me update you on my life.

i got lasik a couple weeks back and it is awesome. i now have 20/15 vision which only furthers the fact that i'm more than perfect. so eat that society. put some mayo on it, it's delightful. i also got a new tattoo which says imagine. a great song and perhaps my most political tattoo to date. "how can that be more political than your koi fish tattoo" you might ask. well, it just is.

life is like a long movie and just like the movies, life needs an awesome soundtrack. i have spent much of my life trying to figure out the right soundtrack. it's a tough one to figure out. if you ever have the time, try to figure out how to describe your life with 16 of the greatest tracks to describe you and your life voyage. sure anyone can figure out their top 10 songs of all time, but try to tie it into your life. thus i will spend the next week figuring out my life's soundtrack. head's up, it may be a deluxe edition double disk set. available soon on itunes.

now for some random thoughts.
let's say i'm standing on top of the Franklin Mountains, the highest point. how much pee would it take for me to produce to roll down the mountain and reach the very bottom. my answer... at least a gallon.
luke skywalker got a robotic hand after it got chopped off. pretty stupid, i would have asked for a light saber hand. imagine all emperors i would kill with that sucker. answer: 1
i was asked what would i rather have... a penis coming out of my head or no penis at all. i'd take the head-penis. sure urine will come out of my head but currently tons of shit comes out of mouth so no big change in my life i'd say.
i think god's favorite color is blue.
these are my thoughts and i can't unthink them and you can't unread them. deal with it.

it's time to end a debate in my "fight of the week." many people come up to me and ask, "Thomas, in your professional opinion, who would win a battle to the end between the green ranger and the white ranger?" well, let me take you all through the journey. Tommy will shout, "it's morphing time!" both tommy's will morph while one of the greatest songs plays in the background. Both competitors in this matchup of a lifetime have their trusted swords in hand. face to face, white ranger is at an advantage already, as he is older and has learned a little more on his life's journey. he once left only to return hungrier. don't get me wrong, green ranger is very unpredictable, being a shoot and don't ask questions until afterwards type of guy. both will fight with sweat and tears. the white ranger will fall to his knees, and the quickness of the green ranger will take him behind the white. the green ranger jumps up with his sword about to swing down and take out the white for once and for all. but did you forget my friend, the white ranger's sword can talk and see. with not a second to spare, the sword warns our hero, who turns around to block the green ranger, only to knock him down. the green ranger realizes he doesn't stand a chance, it's basically two against one. it's time for him to play that flute and call on the amazing green dragon zord. it arises, and as it does so, the white ranger calls upon the tiger zord. let me pause and say "oh shit. things just got that much more awesome. i can't wait to see who wins." the tiger has speed and lashes out on the dragon. but do you hear that song, the dragon was beckoned to use it's missiles from it's fingers. the tiger is knocked down and how. no more playing, the tiger transforms into it's robotic human form. a few hits here and there, but out comes the equalizer. the dragon uses it's drill tail and sparks fly. the white tiger zord is incapacitated. the white ranger falls from the zord and the green ranger stands above him victorious. emotions run high, and the green ranger refuses to finish off the white ranger, but both know who the true winner is... us, the viewers here's the rundown. HAND TO HAND: green= 6 points white=9
SWORDS: green= 7 white= 9
OUTFIT APPEARANCE: green=6 white=10
INTENSITY: green=10 white=6
ZORDS: green=10 white= 7
OVERALL: green=9 white=6 the green ranger wins in the end.
join me next time as i pit rocksteady and bebop against tokka and rahzar from the ninja turtles against one another in a main event battle royal. also, canada vs. mexico in a war. the answer may surprise you, unless you think canada will win, then you won't be surprised. may the controversy start.

let's talk marriage. Marriage is a great thing. it's better than eating sand in my opinion. but people keep asking me, when are you going to get married. let me answer all those people now. after my band's album goes platinum and we toured through europe. at least a 20 show stop through europe. Your follow up question "you have a band?" not yet, but i will start working on it as soon as i fix the roofing on my house. follow up "you have a house." not yet, but maybe someday. i'll buy that house right after i get married.

juno and lars and the real girl came out on dvd last week. be sure to pick them up. both are great. in other entertainment news, the office is back is just as hilarious as ever and lost starts again this week. be sure to check for times this thursday. maybe you'll see me in a guest appearance on one of them... maybe not. there's only one way to find out and that's by tuning in.

"god only knows where i'd be without you" all of you.
be sure to blog about this blog in your blog and i'll do the same. now it's time for me to do something different. i will give a shout out to someone on my friend's list and not in top friends list. if you reply back within two weeks, guess what. you will be entered into my top friends. a position wanted by many but held by a select few. this week... 3 shout outs. here they are: Linda a., tony, and eddie. keep it real you three. keep it real.

we went to an 80s party on saturday and paul loved it. you guys have not seen paul until you see him in see-through pants. these () represent my hands applauding you paul for wearing that. ()()()()()()()()()()()()

on my plane ride back to denver, i had an empty seat next to me. it was the first time ever and it was awesome. all that space for myself. what a great gift.

here's my bad list for the week: snowmen with beards, kids who pick their noses (so like all of them), AC/DC, Windows (as in computers and not glass... on second thought), windows (as in glass ones... they are hard to clean, my least favorite part of cleaning cars is the windshield. not only that, but when windows are really clean, i walk into them... all of them. you are the rake, and i am sideshow bob.), people who don't understand references to the simpsons.

my good list for the week: you the reader, santa, people who give high fives and then flip side them.

this weekend, i won several medals at the wii sports olympics. it was not only a proud moment for me, but for the folks to produced me. reproduction baby!!! that's how i got here.

serious moment: life moves pretty fast sometimes. it's important to take a break and look around. realize that the things around you were put there for a reason. the friends, the family, the strangers, the birds in the sky... it's all part of something big. the colors around us paint a picture around us, take some time out and look at the painting god made for you.

i love the nba.

Heath Ledger is tragically dead so to have his memory live on, here's my top 5 ledger flicks.
5) The Four Feathers (i'm partial to movies with a feather in it, let alone four feathers)
4) I'm Not There (Bob Dylan is bad ass)
3) A Knight's Tale (so i enjoyed it... a lot.)
2) 10 Things I Hate About You (10 things i hated about this movie... it wasn't long enough)
1) The Dark Knight (look, i'm predicting this movie is going to rock,if i'm wrong, i'll change the list)

i got a job offer in california, too bad I got it good here. but it made me think, if i lived in california, what would my name be? i would need to change it. maybe i would go by Subwoofer Zadakis. i'm going to work on it, but that is a beautiful start.

(helicopter lands and a fella hands me a jet pack) looks like it's the end of my show for today. smell you all later. (thomas flies off with jet pack on. yup, that's how my show would end. Rocketeer style)