optimistic depression

I'm in this optimistic depression, which isn't that bad, but I wouldn't want to stay for too long.  It's like you realize that who you are isn't who you wanted to be, but you also realize that there's still time.  You look at your life and think, what have I done.  You realize what you've done and now it's time to get on the right path.  I have found my inspiration again, and it's more important now to not let go of that.  Optimistic:  I have found inspiration.  Depression: thinking about how long I've gone without it.  I feel torn inside, everything's broken... but I'm excited about the rebuilding process.  I'm pretty sure I'm crazy.