commitment is a very hard thing for me. when i got my phone, the whole idea of a 2 year contract freaked me out. getting my car scared the shit out of me. what i'm getting at, denver is awesome and was been good to me, but i want to live everywhere. i want to live in london, san diego, toronto, phoenix, and maybe even somewhere that has buildings made of candy (i know you're working on one china). it hit me today as far as wanting to move. it's just that i want to move for no reason. i don't know if anyone else has this mentality but it freaks me out because i should start being an adult. buy a house, settle down, and maybe pick up golf (i prefer frolf (frisbey golf (if you didn't know that, maybe we shouldn't be friends))). commitment is scary, for instance, i told erica last night that we'll make spaghetti tonight. why would i say that? maybe i don't feel like spaghetti anymore (which i totally still feel like eating, but that is besides the point). anyone else play gta4, it's awesome.? welcome to my next show....(play music)
thomas show,
everything's a go
spear's is a hoe
depp was in blow
aiken a homo
i like things that glow
the thomas show-----
(end music)
how has this series not been picked up by nbc or vh1. at least pbs, they are willing to put so much crap on their network (i would like to apologize to pbs, i actually enjoyed and still do, many of their fine programming, such as arthur, wishbone, zoom, but not sesame street... i am not a fan of muppets.) what i enjoyed most about wishbone is that he taught me that i don't need to read, just wait for the right episode of wishbone, and he'll just tell me the story. i almost forgot, ghostwriter. ghostwriter was awesome. i always wanted jamal and lenni to hook up, but they never did. my favorite episode... "who is max mouse." rally T.
so now the controversial topic... canada vs mexico... special referee, america. what is important in this battle is who attacks first. most would say mexico with their fiery temper and "put up with no shit" attitude, but i'd go with canada. why, because no one suspects it. for years canada has been seen as the arctic's bitch or america's hat... but no more. canada strike's first leaving the world in confusion. they send out missiles destroying the beautiful resorts in mexico, leaving them with no tourist sites. The new place for vacationing... juarez (don't drink the water). MEXICO: they lack the technology of canada but they will first outnumber them with soldiers and weapons galore. they will return the fire and destroy canada from the bottom up. corona will flood the street. will america jump into the mix.... no they won't, there is no oil involved. god bless america. mexico would inevitably win the war right away, but they get greedy. far north canada is nothing but ice, but mexico gets greedy and heads up that way. awaiting them, the almighty second calvary of canada. comprised mainly of moose, elk, wolverines, and sea otters. they fight back, and what seems to be a draw, will not. much blood has been shed, and canada won't give up. they vowed not to step in, but seeing their mother-land destroyed, the white-tailed deer step in shaming the black-tailed deer (for centuries, these two rivaled and it always appeared the black-tailed seem to be more courageous... but not this day my friend... not this day). the white tailed deer destroy the rest of mexico's army freeing the millions of enslaved lizards. canada you crazy son of a bitch, you won this one. mexico, learn from this. go to canada... you will lose. let canada come to you. canadians can't survive in the desert for prolonged periods of time. they need hockey, and there ain't no hockey in mexico.
Saturday: i went to a tattoo expo in the early afternoon. it was pretty cool. i met pixie from L A Ink and let me say... erica, do not read the following, just skip to the end of the sentence... she was hot. erica, if you read the end of the sentence, what i meant was that the temperature was high and she was sweating up a storm. (seriously fellas... she was Hot). later in the day, i enjoyed a nice meal at dave and busters. i got the chicken fingers because i'm still an 8 year old. after that, we went to a bar for a birthday celebration. we sat in vip, which is cool, but then i look around. to my surprise we were sitting in the middle of a lesbian bar. i saw things that i never could have imagined seeing with my young eyes. i became a man that night.
Things that rocked this week:
fruit by the foot.
iron man.
that prostitute that i had sex with, then killed in grand theft auto.
honey biscuits.
that song "abc" by the jackson 5
the office
moustaches
Things that do not rock at all this week:
jerks on the road
jerks in the store
jerks all together actually
grease (the fattly, oil matter and the movie)
mtv's the real world hollywood (they really grind my gears)
here's a question for the guys out there. have you ever gotten your junk stuck on your zipper? that shit hurts. that scene in "there's something about mary" still bothers me to this day.
Things I'm ashamed of:
Liking the movie "the notebook" (i didn't cry or anything, it's just a good movie. it was the reason i grew out a beard and learned how to build a house)
cutting the letter z in the back of my head to be more like vanilla ice back in the day.
Owning vanilla ice, m c hammer, and kris kross on cassette tape.
That one time i threw my fecies back at the monkey.
Seeing Rush Hour 2 at the theatre.
Not owning the complete series of dawson's creek on dvd or blu ray.
anyone down for a trip to vegas? i'm ready to go.
Tokka and Rahzar VS Rocksteady and Bebop
Right away, style point awarded to R&B. T&R are naked so that is not accepted in todays standards. Things heat up right away in this fatal four way of foes. R&B bust out with weapons. Unfortunately, their aim is horrible and their ammo runs out. Tokka, the snapping turtle goes on the offense and snaps at rocksteady. he hits the horn and rocksteady escapes scratch free. rocksteady charges at tokka, but tokka escapes into his shell, and is unharmed. rahzar, in the meanwhile runs at bebop. bebop ducks and trips rahzar to the ground. this battle is a fight of speed and the two run in circles after one another. overall, r&b get the point for speed, afterall, tokka is a turtle. t&r however win the point for pure bruit strength. this will be a battle that comes down to the very end. with no ammo left, T&R have the ultimate weapons... their claws. they begin to slash away causing R&B to get torn up. Bebop's nose ring gets caught in the claw and thus ripped out. how is he still standing, i don't know. maybe he just has more heart. what this battle will come down to... which duo is stupider. bebop attempts to hit tokka but misses as tokka once again retreats in his shell, and hits his partner, rocksteady instead. rocksteady falls into rahzar, who becomes outraged by all this. at the same time, rocksteady is upset at bebop and runs after him. rahzar is also running and is behind rocksteady. so picture it. tokka, in his shell... bebop running from rocksteady who is being chased after by rahzar. bebop after losing so much blood becomes lightheaded and trips right in front of tokka's shell. rocksteady trips over bebop onto the shell, but luckily has rough skin and only bounces off of tokka. rahzar can't stop in time, trips over bebop and is stabbed in the heart by the spikes on tokka's shell. he dies. tokka, who i must remind you is only a baby, comes out of his shell and sees his dead friend on his shell. he is torn by all this and pulls a handgun out of his shell. bang!!! tokka falls, for he chooses not to live on without his beloved rahzar. (music plays... it's sarah Mclaughlin's "angel"). R&B embrace. they have failed many times at stopping the Ninja Turtles, but today have succeeded at stopping the child duo of Tokka and Rahzar. Foot soldiers arrive and carry off the winning team. Go Ninja go ninja go.
Winner: Rocksteady and Bebop.
if i had a time machine i would...
go back to when i was in elementary school and take the pudding that came in a can. that was good pudding, none of that plastic crap that we have now-a-days.
Weezer is going on tour this summer... i'm excited about that. also in a related story... christmas is only 7 months away. GO SANTA GO!!!
that is all the time i have for today. remember everyone, i'm not dead yet, but when that day comes, i want sarah mcluaghlin to sing at my funeral.
one more thing i'm ashamed of:
wanting sarah mclaughlin to sing at my funeral. (play music)
that was the thomas show
time for him to go
check out my big toe
tom cruise is his foe
opposite of high is low
that was the thomas show
(then i teleport out of there)
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