When you love somebody, it's hard to think about anything but to breathe

Have you ever loved someone that you knew you had to let them go... it's like that saying.  I've let loved ones go before and it's left me kinda sad and left hating the saying.  It's different now you know.  I think before I thought it was love, and it was in a degree.  It was the closest to love I think I had ever been.  This time though, I let go and I'm left feeling happy.  Sure there's some sadness behind it, but it's outweighed by happiness.  How can you love something so much, let it go, and be happy?  Because it's genuine this time. You love someone so much that you want what's best them.  You know that they're out there being happy and not restrained by you.  You can only hope that nothing else in this world will hold them back.  They may never come back and that's a scary idea, but if they don't come back, then they must be happy... so that makes you happy.  We've become so selfish that we don't care that they've found happiness.  Be happy for them I say.  If they do return, then congrats.  Remember to never restrain someone if there's greater things out there for them.  Let your happiness be in the fact that the someone else is happy.  And you'd be an idiot to not tell that person everyday how much they mean to you if they ever return.

In other news, I've been doing this thing where I narrate things in my head.  I describe what's happening around me.  Do people do this?  Erica was cooking in the kitchen the other night and I described it all as if someone was going to read my thoughts later.  There was no need to narrate as all I needed to do was look and see what's going on.  She wants me to see a therapist... I think I know what's wrong, but I like who I am right now and don't feel the need for someone to try to change me.  I'm narrating the fact that I'm typing right now in my head.  Writing is my source of therapy right now.

I was offered money for my drawings and paintings.  I was going through my things and realized that I haven't had a real masterpiece since 2003.  That blows... 2003 was the last time I think I fell into a real depression.  I don't want to be one of those people who only does great work since they're in a depression... so I spit in the face of that idea and I begin on what I believe will be one of my greatest works.  I feel zen right now and will see what I can accomplish.

I told someone "I wish Tim Tebow's mom had gone through with that abortion."  They did not find that funny, meanwhile I felt that was the best comment I could have made all week.

With that comment, I'm off to try to become a better person.  Wish me luck.